World Cup Wildes

In life we have to make extremely hard decisions. When I was nine I had to choose between the a bar of chocolate are a bag of popcorn. When I was fifth-teen I had to choose between the very loose but not so pretty girl who want to do bad things to me and an angelic, pompous bitch who wanted nothing to do with me. I chose the latter and looking back at it now I was right she still didn't want anything to do with me but the more friendly less attractive girl has had three kids by the time she hit 22. Decisions shape our lives. I have made quite a few in my life so far but known with the magnitude and implications as the one I have made a few moments ago prior to this post. My mom sent me to the store. I had a list, it was long and beyond my comprehension and to complicate things further I was given a paltry war chest a mere ten American dollars at my disposal. Upon entering this place of commerce and barter I stumbled across an item that was embolden on my list. Simple? I think not. For a paradox arose, that said item was foil paper but they had so much options my mind did mental gymnastics. Should I purchase the Heavy Duty 55sq.ft version who has served my family's empire so well or should I buy the 75sq.ft version whose valued had be truncated. I was lost, unsure what to do I decided to call mother. Then I realized I left my trusty steed my Iphone at home. I had to man up, I was without my mother's infinite household wisdom and my Iphone's ability to rate bargains with it's numerous applications. A decision had to be made and by the grace of Allah, Vishnu, God, Yahweh and thee Ancestors I chose my fate. What is it I shall never reveal. Well my mom knows but that was fairly difficult. What is straightforward for me is football and even more so is the final group at the World Cup. Even a child knows who is going to come first and last.

Group H
Chile
Honduras
Spain
Switzerland

Chile


Salas! If you remember him you definitely know about football. He at one point was one of the best players on the planet. I will forgive you for not knowing that Chile is now going to their 7th World Cup. It didn't shock me but Chile is not a team I have ever really had the oppurtunity to see on a regular basis. Matter of fact the last Chilean national team performance I actually sat and watched was at the youth level in a U-21 game against Austria in 2007.What is disturbing to me is that in order to get to this World Cup, Chile qualified 2nd one point behind Brazil. For a team that I hardly ever see they seem by all reports to be a very handy unit. To qualify before Argentina, Paraguay and Uruguay is Herculean. Again I have to apologize because I really don't know as much as I should about the Chileans. I know some of their key men and those I do know they play so sparingly I hardly see them. Men like former Liverpool winger Mark Gonzalez. Ironically he will be going back home to South Africa, he being born there. Another Chilean mystery man to me is Arturo Vidal of Bayer Leverkusen. He comes with extremely high reviews with his defensive play. To finish behind Brazil in South America they must have some pretty talented lads.

Key Man- Mark Gonzalez: The now CSKA Moscow man has to be the most important out of madman Bielsa's troops and he will have to crush the Swiss and the Hondurans if his nation is to advance because I see him hard press to get pass Barcelona and Spanish duo of Pique and Puyol.

Honduras


HONDURAS, HONDURAS, HONDURAS!!!!!!!!!!!!I am very proud of Honduras and what they have achieved for one and also the calibre of player they are producing. I fully support all Concacaf nations and Honduras have my full support and I hope they enjoy their second World Cup they were the 3rd team out of the Concacaf Hex finishing before a flagging Costa Rica. The Hondurans are arguably the weakest team out of the four in this group and an injury to a key cog like Wilson Palacios will see them not be able to mount a serious attack but fear not they still have their deadliest weapon David Suazo AKA The Black Panther. The Former Inter Milan man will be the spear head of their attack. He exploits very little space and and his stint at Genoa saw him deployed alone up front with great effect. So may hope spring eternal for the Central Americans. For so long they have watched Costa Rica and the monster who is Mexico blow them by. I hope they have a great summer but to be honest I know they can't do much.

Key Man-David Suazo: He is very underrated and he is on a very underrated team. He needs to strike early and hope his team mates can stop the opposition.

Spain


The reigning European champions. They are it has to be said the most feared team on the planet right now. Like the Brazilians I really don't have to dive to deep and explain a whole lot here. They breeze through qualifying, smashed everyone in their path and pretty much have one of the best teams on paper. Names like Fernando Torres, David Silva, Xavi and Carles Puyol has to be at this point household names the world over. They are dangerous and to me have thee best striker in the game today if not the greatest of all time David Villa. I actually think he may set a new record this summer in terms of the most goals scored at a World Cup. Spain really doesn't have any weaknesses. A few years back we were saying that the Spanish were the great underachievers who couldn't win a tournament and now we say they are unbeatable. Now people say they will win this World Cup but I have a theory. It's great and awesome you can beat Europe's elite but I'm looking for a team outside of Europe to trump their victory lap. Europeans know how each other play, they have first hand seats at each others games but the teams from other zones are a mystery, like for example Mexico. One can watch a tape but its another thing to play them regularly. A team like Ghana is hardly ever seen by European eyes. Yes their players play in Europe's top leagues but the whole Ghana team ever performs as a unit in front of Europeans. Spain will do well but I just can't see it, I can not see them winning it all for some odd reason. I think they are stronger teams namely Brazil and teams who are just to ravenous like Argentina.

Key Man- David Villa: I think he will break records this term.

Switzerland

I absolutely adore the Swiss. Love them, love them, love them. If you are observant you would even had notice in my picture posted on the blog I am in a Swiss jersey. A one Mr. Alexander Frei No. 9. The Swiss are very strong in almost every position and do have some steel about them. In their qualification for South Africa they topped a group that included Israel and Greece. So they are definitely no bums. Even better for the Swiss is that they have secured the services of a real tactician in Ottmar Hitzfeld the former Bayern Munich coach, a man with vast experience. Looking at their squad we see a mix of veterans and starlets. Experience campaigners like Alexander Frei, Hakan Yakin and Ludovic Magnin while line up alongside youngsters like Reto Ziegler, Tranquillo Barnetta and Eren Derdiyok. With all this talnet you would think the Swiss would have an easy ride finishing behind the Spanish but the Swiss have an air of frailty about them and a sometimes shaky defense which is worrying because the others in the group boast a very varied attacking options that can hurt the alpine nation. I hope my beloved Swiss don't fold or we may have to bring in the Red Cross.

Key Man- Tranquillo Barnetta: So underrated, has to be one of the premier wingers in the world and can give an edge to the aging Swiss front line.

Predicitions- Sorry Guys I didn't give the predictions for Group G. It is as follows. Brazil 1st, Portugal 2nd, Ivory Coast 3rd, North Korea 4th. No surprises there. Now to Group H. Spain 1st, Switzerland 2nd, Chile 3rd, Honduras 4th. Spain has to win this group. The Swiss maybe wobbly in defense but can hold out against the basically one man attacks of Honduras and Chile. Chile maybe the 2nd qualifier in South America but they will fall to the Europeans. Although Honduras' David Suazo maybe a beast, he is no god though and to be frank who will give the ball to allow him to work his magic?

World Cup Wildes

Cliche' number one. What the hell is going on? Cliche' number two. These guys are dropping like flies. Cliche' number three.If I could see into the future. Cliches are a way for semi educated people to seem intelligent and formal. It is a ticket to laziness, a way to stifle one's on creativity and also a way to show people you are unable to think for yourself. Yet people use them the world over, cliches like. On any given day! If you love something set it free! Not for all the tea in China and my personal favorite. If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. I hate cliches but that one I have taken a liking to but as stupid cliches may seem to be sometimes they can be necessary. The three cliches I opened with are quite appropriate for this the World Cup season. So, what the hell is going? Why are these high profile players getting injured and if I could see into the future I would have changed my predictions on previous blog post. Literally some real stars are pulling out or in doubt of featuring in the summer tournament. Names like Rio Ferdinand, John Obi Mikel, Wilson Palacios, Michael Essien and Didier Drogba. Really what is going on? Well at least
Group G is a certainty.

Group G
Brazil
Ivory Coast
North Korea
Portugal

Brazil


Do I even have to saying anything? Seriously. It would be like shouting out the name Jesus in Vatican City. Are they even any Atheist in Vatican City? I don't want to be lazy so I might as well say something and I have to keep in mind that a person who does know anything about football may somehow stumble across this well manufactured piece of art which is my blog. Brazil for many, many years have been the team to beat in world football. They have featured in every World Cup to date. They have won the cup five times the most out of any nation and if they don't win the whole shebang (Cliche' number 4) they are either in the final or here or there about (cliche number 5). Brazil has spawned with in her Borders world renowned legends such as Zico, Socrates, Cafu, Ronaldo, Romario, Dunga (Now the coach), Rivaldo, Ronaldinho, Robinho, Kaka and probably the greatest player who has ever lived a man called Pele'. On their journey to South Africa they typically topped their qualifying group in South America and who would bet against them (cliche 6) from topping the rest of the 31 teams in this summer's World Cup. This current squad are impressive but ironically Brazilians are not a fan of new coach Dunga and some of his squad selections and tactics. Saying that they don't play the typical Brazilian way. The exclusion of Alexandre Pato and former world player of the year Ronaldinho has upset some of Brazilian massive. Honestly I think Brazil are one of the favorites for the cup. Now, Brazil will host the next World Cup in 2014 providing the world doesn't end in 2012. What needs to happen is that someone should capitalize on the fact the World cup is being contested in South Africa and not let Brazil win because giving Brazil a home advantage at a World Cup is frightening. Picture a small nation worth of people cramped into the Maricana and they would stab virgins for a Brazil win. FIFA in my opinion have basically given Brazil the 2014 World Cup, well they technically did but you get what I mean. Lets see if they can make this their sixth world title. It's sad really most countries don't even have one like Holland and the Selecao is going for half a dozen.

Key Man- Julio Cesar: What? Not an outfielder player and not even a forward? For all their outfield delights Brazil's true star is goalkeeper Julio Cesar. Any Brazilian can score a goal but how many can stop a free kick from Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo?


Ivory Coast


Have to say, love the new national team crest. Having the trunk of the elephant form the "C" in Cote D' Ivoire is pretty sweet. Very creative. Makes me want to get a elephant now.Enough of the art now to the football. I am glad I held of from my last blog post. I waited a couple of days before I chimed in with another article. I may not be able to see into the future but I do know how to take advantage of a trend. I realized that the big names of football have been getting injured. First Ballack, then Essien and then Rio. I was like who is the next to fall and I knew it was going to happen. How you ask? Well I know the worse is about to happen when my chest hair itches. Now some would say I need to step up my hygiene and I would reply, my hygiene is on point but its just one of those funny things. When it itches which isn't very often the worse happens. Last time my chest hair itched my grandmother ended up in the hospital. So I would say it's fairly accurate. When my quirk exercised it's power a few days ago the worse yet again happened. Ivory Coast's Didier Drogba was struck with a horrendous elbow injury which sees him "doubtful," for the tournament. Which is a huge blow for the Ivorians chances. People say you should never look at the negative but I am expert in wallowing in self pity and I am here to share that with my African brothers and I have even put in list format just to highlight your plights.

Elephant Graveyard

1) You are in a group with Brazil and Portugal that makes pretty bleak reading.

2)You sacked your successful coach in Vahid Halilhodžić to hire Sven Goran Eriksson a man who allowed his star player (Drogba) to play non stop friendlies since being hired. A post he has had held for less than a year.

3) Like many African teams your goalkeeper is a clown, who will be embarrassed by Brazil and Portugal.

4) Your back up striker is Aruna Dindane a man who got relegated with Portsmouth a few months ago prior the World Cup.

5) Solomon Kalou is badly out of form.

6) Your other striker Bakari Kone is 5'4 and will have to take on Portugal's gigantic defenders Bruno Alves and
Ricardo Carvalho. Even worse he will have to come against Brazil's Juan who is a tree, Lucio who is a mountain and if those two aren't bad enough he will meet Luisao, who has to be the largest Brazilian I have ever seen.

7) You have Emmanuel Eboue in your team who to be very honest erratic at best.

8) North Korea has the greatest team spirit and work ethic in the world something you lack.

9) Ivory Coast play Portugal first then Brazil.

10) Even if Drogba makes it back he will be at 25%. Breaking your arm is not a joke.

All that being said they really have no chance, I even have Kim Jong-Il's warriors pipping a point of them. I don't have any hope for them advancing even with Drogba in their ranks and now that he seems to have fallen so shall they.

Key Man- Yaya Toure: You play for Barcelona act like it.

North Korea


This has to be cliche number 8. Which is "I choose my battles carefully." Which really is true, I actually do. When I can't win or know I can't I hastily retreat. I can't stand not being able to be informed about something. Here stands North Korea a team I absolutely know nothing about and for me that really does tugs at my pride. I tried to find information on the players but I hardly could and the people who could have told me anything about North Korea have gone home to South Korea for the summer my friends Jaeman, Jae and Han-Syuk. Actually they don't even like North Koreans it seems for obvious reasons. Unlike the average football fan I didn't let something like this hinder me so I did some research. How? I did what anyone would do. I watched a ton of their games and I have come to a conclusion. They are very useful. Very useful. North Korea I think are the most technically gifted passers I have ever seen. Seriously no joke. North Korea are bad ass, they pass well and talk about the discipline and they don't waste chances. They have so much discipline and spirit. Unfortunately in this group I can't see them finishing anything but last. Surprisingly North Korea has pedigree as well, officially this would be the Northern Manchurians second time at the World Cup but withdrawal from past tournaments would have seen them here four times already. In 1966 the Koreans made it to the quarterfinals only to be ironically knocked out by the Portuguese led by Eusebio. North Korea had to beat out the likes of World Cup regular Saudi Arabia and the Asian champions Iraq so they have to feel confident. As for the players I really don't know any of them and Korean names give me a lot of trouble ask my Korean friends, so I can't even recognize the vast majority of the North Korean players but there is one I have taken a liking to and he is Jong Tae-Se. A man born in Japan to South Korean parents and plays for North Korea. Jong is called the "Asian," Wayne Rooney and his size and appearance does give the name credit but can he play? Only time will tell. He is prolific for his country banging in 41 goals for Korea to date but looking at the group I will say he will be lucky to hit the crossbar.

Key Man- Hong Yong-Jo: He is the captain and one of the few Koreans who ply their trade in Europe. In Russia where he plays he lives without a TV or a refrigerator. If your will is that strong you would need the whole Swiss army just to braze you. Jokes aside he must be something special. Old school.

Portugal


Os gênios náuticos. Os mestres do novo mundo. De Lisboa para Coimbra. You didn't know I spoke Portuguese. Well your partly right. I'm learning and at the moment I am not very good. I actually can follow a conversation may it be a short one and spoken very slowly. That sentence I wrote says. "The nautical geniuses. The masters of the New World, from Lisbon to Coimbra. My American friend Stephanie of Brazilian descent is teaching me. The Portuguese were the world's greatest naval power they founded Brazil and we all love Brazil. They named Barbados (awesome country) and Portuguese women are very sexy but what the Iberians really excel at is football. What I find odd is that the Portuguese have only been to this date to five World Cups. You would think they would have featured more regularly. This toss they Portuguese made it hard going qualifying for South Africa they finished behind Denmark in qualifying and bearly edged out 3rd place Sweden. Nevertheless they are here now and that is what is important. Let me go on record and say I want Portugal to win the World Cup and also let me say Portugal will win the World Cup. Let me repeat. Portugal WILL WIN THE WORLD CUP. I know you think am an idiot for taking such a stance but if you have Superman why would you worry about Lex Luther. I know a good analysis should talk about the squad's strengths and weaknesses and not sound like a fan boy but Cristiano Ronaldo is the greatest human being on the planet to me. He is the sole reason why Portugal will win. Jesus is number one to me but Ronaldo is a distant second. If he was alive when Hitler and the Nazis were waging war on the Allied forces he would have stopped them in two minutes. Maybe that is a bit to extreme but he is a dream dipped in sprinkles. I know Nani and Simao are fairly cool and they can do all the ricks the kids love but Ronaldo created those said tricks. I think I have said enough about the god. Portugal actually has a solid side. A good defense, solid midfield, the attack could be less one dimensional a la Cristiano Ronaldo but we all can't have it all our own way.

Key Man- Cristiano Ronaldo: Cristiano é um deus e nada neste mundo podem pará-lo. Levará Portugal à terra de promessa. I will leave you guys to figure that out. My Portuguese improves day by day. Agradeça o Stephanie
Neves'

World Cup Wildes

It's June. It's f**king June. I don't even know what to say. They are not a lot of positives in my life. I'm poor. My girlfriend left me. I can't find a job, well I'm a full time student so maybe I can be excused.I'm in a foreign country surrounded by people I would pee on if they were dying and to top that I feel totally alone but you know what? It's f**king June and that means in mere days the World Cup is going to start. Some may say it's a sad life I live, that watching men kick a ball in a net is trivial and they are right in some parts. They are people dying the world over and I think about that daily but I say to those same people if you can't take joy out of a little how can you value your life. The world is a terrible place, I myself don't even care much for it. It's man fault that the world is how it is. There were wars and genocides but through all that they got one thing right and that is football and you know what I'm satisfied with that. Here to satisfy you is Group F. Well I'm hoping it will.

Group F
Italy
Paraguay
New Zealand
Slovakia

Italy

The world champions. That World Cup in 2006 seems like such a long time ago. I was 18. Can you remember what you were doing four years ago? Well I was just starting college and had a scrappy beard, well still have a scrappy beard but that is besides the point. Two men who could never forget is Zinedine Zindane and Marco Materazzi. The rammed and the one who rams. That's in the past and in context irrelevant. The Italians won and beat the French to become four time World Cup champions. Can they make it five this time around their names are in the hat. Italy won their group with relative ease in order to qualify for this summer's tournament, the Republic of Ireland the only threat in qualification. It would seem Italy have regained their elite status judging by these result but it wasn't so rosy a year or so ago. After they had won the golden challis in 2006 their coach at the time Marcello Lippi step down and the reigns of Azzurri were placed in the hand of a relatively inexperience Roberto Donadoni. The former Italian midfielder led an underachieving team to the Euro 2008. A campaign that saw the world champs crashing out in the knockout stages. Dondadoni got the axe and enter stage left Lippi for a second stint with the national side. He won it the first time why not the second time? I will tell why he won't this time. Lippi has virtually recalled the same team that won the cup in 2006. So that means men who were old already then are now four years older now. So that means the likes of Gigi Buffon, Andrea Pirlo, Fabio Cannavaro and Mauro Camoranesi are pretty much ancient now. Its an old team in general but what works in their favor is their group, they don't have to strain themselves to get out of it, so all their memorable performances will be saved for the latter rounds. Is Lippi an idiot I would say so if he were Domench or Maradonna but he has won a World Cup so I guess he knows what he is doing.

Key Man- Daniele De Rossi: In a team filled with dinosaurs someone has to do the running and De Rossi is the man to do it. He will do all the dirty work for the AZZURRI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paraguay


Jose Luis Chilavert once the world greatest goalkeeper/ bit part dead ball specialist is long gone. He was awesome and basically gave Paraguay a chance of getting deep into any competition. Now that he has retired they are a bunch of youngsters looking to solidify their countries name as one of the big boys. Lets start in South America first. Paraguay is a really nifty unit. They just get the job done. In order to qualify for Sudafrica' as the Mexicans say, the La Albirroja had to scrap their way out of COMNEBOL and they did so with much verve. They finished third in South American qualifying edging out the likes of perennial giants Argentina and Uruguay. I like Paraguay they are nice to watch they have elegant attackers like Roque Santa Cruz and Oscar Cardozo. They would have one more if not for that thing I was talking about earlier.The world being a bad place junk it is a bit of a dirty place,isn't it? That one more forward that Paraguay could have called on was Club America striker Salavador Cabanas. Cabanas was shot in the head at a Mexican club. He is such a hearty striker and really gives his all, my prays do go out to him. No doubt he will support his team in South Africa. As for Paraguay I do hope they do well.

Key Man- Oscar Cardozo: He had a terrific season with Benfica of Portugal if he can turn club form into national performance Paraguay will be in good stead.


New Zealand


Let me start off my saying. New Zealand you do make a fine cheese. Anchor New Zealand Cheddar cheese is the best in the universe. I live in New York the most diverse city on earth and I can't find a stick of that Kiwi crack as I like to call it. I also love the BlackCaps New Zealand's cricket team (Love Daniel Vettori) and I love the AllBlacks their rugby team. I even love the AllWhites. My uncle use to say to me the hardest thing to do is to grab a chance you are given and that is what the Kiwis did. A lot of people don't think New Zealand should be here because they claim Oceania is such a weak division and some claim if Australia was around they won't have made it this far. They are right, everything they say is true. When you think that the Swedes, Turks and Egyptians will all be sitting at home doing nothing while the New Zealanders challenge the might of Italy it kind of makes you annoyed. That maybe you but not me. All those teams had their chance and they didn't fight for their grain. New Zealand fought for theirs. On paper the AllWhites are not a strong side but as history shows a country colonized by the English that is predominately European are battle ready constantly. So New Zealand will be well down for a scrap but unfortunately they just don't have what it takes to get out the group.

Key Man- Ryan Nelsen: Top man. The one who they will look to for some inspiration.

Slovakia


Another team who has split from its sister nation. Like Serbia the Slovaks now stand alone for the very first time in the World Cup. A very beautiful story. I wonder who is going to be next, will Tobago break away from Trinidad and become sovereign? Slovakia for to long subjected to the constant chatter from her more illustrious sister the Czech Republic. The Czechs have gave the world some top talent such as Milan Baros, Pavel Nedved, the monster Jan Koller and Petr Cech. What are the names of the sons Slovakia have birthed? Who has she given to the world? I don't expect most people to know them but I being me know who they are and they are very dangerous. The side feature the Manchester City product Vladimir Weiss, the Liverpool legionnaire Martin Skrtel and the most dangerous of all Marek Hamsik. Hamsik is pure evil. I have never seen someone who played like him, he deserves a whole paragraph and one day I will give it to him. Slovakia has a legitimate shot.

Key Man- Marek Hamsik: No comment. No words can explain. Go watch for yourself. Trust me.

Predictions- Italy 1st, Slovakia 2nd, Paraguay 3rd, New Zealand. World Champions had to top the group. I choose Slovakia 2nd just because of Hamsik. Paraguay is a good team but they don't have Hamsik and the AllWhites will get whitewashed. Again they do serve a fine cheese though.